I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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