He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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