She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
