She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
