i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
