just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
