Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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