He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
