U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
