Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
