they need to just BURY HIM!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
