My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
