Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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