We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
