I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
