dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
