So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
