I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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