Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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