Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
