fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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