Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
