Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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