when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
