What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
