He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Someone came in the potted fern
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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