1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You can't motorboat a personality
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
