he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
