Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
