Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
