Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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