well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
