dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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