i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im holly from the hills drunk
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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