if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
