Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
