So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
