I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
