??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
