i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
