operation harelip BJ is a go
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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