SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
