I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
