Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
