I've blown a few things in my day
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
