nut hugger
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
