Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
