you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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