If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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