I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
