Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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