I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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