Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
