is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
